My Morning - The Saga

Oh jeez, it just gets better! Remember grocery shopping with feral children yesterday morning? Why oh why.... *shaking head*

Prologue The kids were rather late going to bed last night - 9pm, 9:30pm by the time they settled and actually went to sleep. I was in bed by 10:30, but then husband wanted action. Daisy was up ALL NIGHT. For no reason. She'd keep coming into our room every 30 minutes or so completely worked up. I'd calm her down, try to get her to tell me why she was crying or how I could help. Nothing. So I'd put her back in her bed, tuck her in. Repeat, well, repeatedly. 5am, I had it, as I knew I had to be up at 5:30 to get to the gym. I got cross. She settled, until 7am.

The Morning I got home from the gym at 6:40. Husband was still in bed. Couldn't wake him up, so I skipped the queue and jumped in the shower. And got dressed. And nagged husband to wake. 7am, he finally gets up.

Decide we best return our overdue library books, get a refund from Coles for overcharging me $6 for the tomatoes and onions I bought the day before, deposit some cheques at the bank, and buy some grog for Saturday night. Should be easy, right?

I hang up load of washing from overnight, and put on a new load. Empty dishwasher. Argue with children the merits of having Weetbix over Rice Bubbles. I lose. I have cold-warmed up baked beans and a cold piece of toast, after children decide they want to go outside to wave bye to (late) husband.

Then argue with children over which clothes to wear and that yes, Buster, we actually DO need to change your daggy, wet nappy before we go out. Hang up next load of washing. Nag LegoBoy for the fifteenth time he needs to put some shoes on BEFORE we leave to go to the shop.

9am, finally pack children into the car and head to Westfields. There is no traffic on the highway! YAY! Save 10 minutes on our trip there, as all the school Mummies must be busy doing something else other than shopping (do they know something I don't?).

First stop, Library. Kids "post" the books back in the shute. Lego Boy argues that Daisy and Buster got to return more books than he did. I state clearly that they may pick TWO books each and ONE DVD, as we don't have the pram and I am the nominated pack horse who gets to carry the (heavy) library bag. Debate and discuss with Daisy that she has chosen SIX books, and she must only pick TWO. She picks up two MORE books and puts them in the library bag.

Buster decides to squat, and fantastic, he's decided that the library is the perfect retreat to empty his bowels (hey, it's quiet and there are books!!). (yes, he wears a nappy!). So now he reeks. Kids each choose a DVD, except Buster wants TWO. He decides to scream at the top of his lungs "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!". Finally negotiate ONE DVD. Borrow books, and make excuses to the young, single, childless Librarian that it is, in fact, Buster that smells, not me.

This Westfields is huge, and the bank is on the way to the parents room, and I'm not prepared to back-track with three loose children. So second stop, the bank. They've decided it's dress-up day. The male is dressed with a pink wig. The women have various other assortments of dress-ups. They ask if they can help. Why yes! "Can I please deposit these cheques?" says I.

When, in that sentence, does it say "Please try and sell me savings accounts, a mortgage and insurance"???? The man decides to start chatting while the lady deposits the cheques for me. And proceeds to prattle on and try to sell me a different saving account (no thanks, I like the fee free one I have, thanks), a mortgage - no thanks, I have one. But have you considered changing? Why yes, but you wouldn't pay the break fees for us to change from ING. "Oh" says he. "And I have a partial fixed loan," says I. "What about weighing up the costs of breaking the fixed loan and switching?" he asks. "No," I reply, the product wasn't competitive enough. Busters nappy continues to steam.

Finally, the woman finally finishes depositing the cheques, the kids are running riot, I turn to go, and he says "how about our insurance products?" FFS PISS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's what I felt like saying. But I was polite. I said I already have insurance with you, and walked (ran) out of the shop.

Third stop, Buster decides he doesn't, in fact, want to walk at all. Another scene, as I can't carry him with library books as well. Make it to the parents room, change stinky nappy. Coerce older two to do a wee (inevitably, saves one stop in 10 minutes time).

Buster is finally happy to walk, but he refuses to leave the parents room and wants to continue playing with the toy station. Bribe Buster with a banana.

Forth stop, couches. Dispense a banana to each child. Daisy eats a bite and declares she has had enough. Share remaining banana with Buster and Lego Boy. Buster complains because Lego Boy has more than him.

Fifth stop, Coles. Put Daisy and Buster into the trolley while I speak with the lady, explaining that the onions were actually 95c/kg (I double checked before speaking with her), and the grape tomatoes were $1.98, not the $2.98 I was charged per punnet that I purchased. She goes to double check.

Hooray, I don't need glasses, and I'm right! She spends 5 minutes doing whatever she needs to do to refund me the $6. Buster is holding the card. He refuses to give the card to the lady. So I snatch it off him. He cracks it and starts screaming at the top of his voice. Now, Buster is the most placid of my 3 children, and I must say, at this point, I was at a loss as to what to do! He never had behaved with such voracity before.

I turn my back to hand the lady the card, and suddenly Daisy is crying at the top of her voice, tears streaming down her face, clutching her arm. Buster has bitten her. Practically to the bone, it looked like. Bruising was already evident and full mold of tiny teeth marks were witnessed. Lady offers to get some ice. I accept. Tears stop, screaming finally stops.

Head to the grog shop. Sixth and final stop. Delighted to find that my favourite champange is 6 for $52. Buster decides it's a good idea to pick up bottles. There is a queue of 6 people at the checkout. Finally get to the checkout. Daisy decides to eat the bag of ice for her arm, and there is water dripping everywhere. Convince her to bin the ice.

Roll all the way back up the other end of the Westfields (it's 1km end to end) to the car. Lego Boy wants to push the trolley back into the trolley bay. Runs over the toes on my right foot.

11:00am.

THE END

And wonder where I'm now going to muster the energy to tidy and clean the house for tomorrow night, cook dinner and bake some slices for our visitors tomorrow night. Think I'll collapse for an hour first!!!