The. Worst. Mother. Ever. Cont.

Yes, worst mother award has to go to me, at least for today anyway! I'm seriously at my wits end with Daisy! And when I sat down (against the wall with a box of tissues) to reflect on what happened, it came down to blaming myself.

We were at the shops this morning, firstly to Coles to stock up on some bread and milk, and then to Kmart, pricing up a few little goodies for Christmas - in particular a scooter and Junior Monopoly for Lego Boy. Daisy only has one set of summer pj's at the moment, so I thought we'd head over and have a look at the summer pj's and see if any happened to be marked down.

Now, Daisy is relentless. She is stubborn. She is a runner! Buster is flat out refusing to get in the pram of late - not an unfair request given that he is 2.5, so I tend to grab a trolley for him instead, and put our shopping in there. We managed to get through Coles OK, but Daisy just keeps running off. No amount of coercian, bribing or 'getting to her level to talk to her' has worked. I often panic and can't find her, and it's all innocent on her behalf - she thinks it's fun! But she still is yet to understand that Mummy doesn't find it fun.

We get to Kmart, and she is happy to walk. Fine. I hand each of the kids an apple to eat for morning tea - this should give me relatively calm and quiet for 30 minutes. I warn her - if she runs off again, I will put her in the trolley to finish off her apple, and to stop her from getting lost when she runs away.

Of course, we get to the clothing section, and she runs away. So I follow through, and I put her in the basket of the trolley. Of course, there are signs on the seat that say NOT to put kids in the basket. But hell, I can't have her (3.5) running loose all over the place AND Buster (2.5) running all over the place and a) getting lost; b) destroying the racks; c) picking things off the floor and eating them; d) breaking breakables; e) getting picked up by a stranger or f) causing Mummy a panic attack.

She is too big for a pram by now, and even if she WAS in a pram, Buster wouldn't be in a pram, and HE would be the one doing all the things above.

So she was in the basket of the trolley with Buster, eating their apples. Now she's become quite the little monkey with her climbing at home of late. Fine, that is part of developing her gross motor skills and is great for her fitness, climbing up the slides, the swings, the cubby house, the couch, her bed etc. But she decided to sit on the edge of the trolley. I asked (nagged) her several times not to, and to please sit down and finish her apple.

The trolley was RIGHT next to me while I flicked through the rack looking at the pj's. And she fell. The rack caught her, I went to grab her, but she fell the rest of the way, and fell on her back with a great thud as her head hit the floor.

She was in tears, I was in tears. I comforted her, checked her head. The Kmart woman fixed up the rack (!). She seemed fine, but I was furious. FURIOUS. The kids all had a late night last night, and the last thing we all needed was a long wait in the ER. Can you imagine?! So we got home, and I phoned the Health Services Number, and they were able to take me through a long checklist for her, and said it seems to be superficial, but keep an eye on her and if things change to call them back or go to the ER.

Daisy was happy. She didn't meet any criteria on their checkbox. She was happy to play.

But me, I'm a wreck. It was a genuine ACCIDENT. And I have no-one to blame but myself. I can't right her behaviour. I put her in the cart. I took her shopping. Of course, SHE is the one running off that is causing me panic and anxiety, but ultimately, how do I teach her not to? I've tried everything, and I'm not having any luck. I'm sick of every shopping expedition being a game to her as to how far she can push me and how far she can run away. I can go and chase her, but I have two other littlies that need my attention too!

I'm sure it's also an attention seeking thing, but it's getting beyond a joke. I'm so anxious already after the last few incidents about going out with the kids, and this is just the icing on the cake. If I can manage to get out with her on her own, she is fine. But when I have to go out with all of them, forget it. She runs off. She climbs in freezers. She pulls down stands. She eats things off the floor. She runs in front of trolleys (she's been hit several times because the poor owner can't stop in time!). She runs into display baskets. She runs and trips over and hers her knee/head/elbow.

Is my house going to become my prison with the kids because I just can't handle them when I go out??

What the hell do I do?? How do I take Lego Boy to orientation next week with the two littlies who will run in opposite directions? How am I supposed to do the grocery shopping when our weekends are already full and I'm trying to keep to a budget? How do I keep my sanity??

Daisy is currently sleeping, and I've checked on her every half an hour, and so far so good. I'm paranoid her runny nose isn't just a cold, that it's more than that.

Time will tell. But for the moment, I think I'll stay right where I am. I just don't know what the next step is.