The road that was

It was Tuesday. I looked on the WW website for my local meeting. I couldn’t go to the Wednesday morning meeting. I just couldn’t. Two years before, I had mustered the courage to go to the Wednesday morning meeting with my 2 year old (DS1) and my 3 month old (DD), only to find out that week I was pregnant with #3 (DS2 as it turned out). I was incredibly happy to be pregnant again – I wanted it more than anything, but it meant I would have to put off loosing weight (again). It was like another excuse. I got up to something ridiculous like 115kg with DS2 – my eating was completely out of control. A number of factors – moving house, moving to a new neighbourhood, having no friends close by (near no friends anyway!) and my parents were almost 2 hours away. It was a very good excuse this time for why I couldn’t loose weight. Not just that it was too hard, or how stressed I was, but I was pregnant! A good excuse to eat anything and everything, right? Wrong!

The other meeting was on a Tuesday night. Much more doable. It would mean an hour “break” from the children – as much as I love them, it is always good to have a little time away. I was sure my husband wouldn’t mind looking after 3 children who had been bathed, fed and read too. But yet, it was still so hard to ask him to look after the children so I could go. To do something for ME. This would be a chance to spend time with other people in the same boat as I, to have some time on my own, to do something for me and to loose weight in the process.

For a while I feel like I have putting everyone else before me. I’m sure most Mum’s feel that way, and it’s probably natural too! I love looking after my family and making sure they’re provided for. But I haven’t been very good at providing for myself and making sure that I am taken care of.

I have struggled with my weight since getting to goal in October 2000, when I got to my goal weight of 69kg. I was 21. I was so elated. So proud. But my 20’s have been a struggle. I don’t want to go into my 30’s with the same struggle.

It is so much easier to just keep eating food. Easy to buy it. Easy to eat it. The bad stuff always tastes so good, but the gratification is short lived. Afterwards, I feel guilty, I gain weight, and just generally feeling awful. I know subconsciously that by eating well, eating fresh and being more active, that I feel better. I feel happier with myself, I have more energy and I can get through the day being more positive.

Remembering that this will take time, but slowly and surely, I will get there. From this point forward I’m taking steps to be the happy, slim, motivated, Mummy I’ve always wanted to be.